10 Hash Resolutions For 2014

2014 is just round the corner. Was 2013 an eventual year for you, hashing wise, in Klang Hash ? Did you contribute your share in making hashing more fun and meaningful whether your were a member for 2 months, 2 years or 20 years or did you expect KH4 could have done better for you instead?

Here are some resolutions for you to ponder for the coming year. While we may joined hash for our own personal reasons, let's not forget the core values of hashing. 

While these lists may not be exhaustive and it's neither wrong nor right, take a minute to reflect on it. Ultimately, no one is bigger than the club. Member come and member goes. If you have a piece, say it or forever keep your peace ! 

Here goes :

1) I shall pay up my subs when due so that I don't have to suffer the acrimony of being denied my beer quotas.

2) I shall call On On when I break a check and connect the papers so that the back and slow runners will not be left astray.

3) I shall behave and remain silent when circle in on and respect the Box so that the affairs of the evening can conducted with decorum.

4) I shall remember that in Klang Hash that there are only 2 rules. Rule #1. The GM is always right. Rule #2. If the GM is wrong, Rule #1 applies. If still in doubt, QUIT !

5) I shall keep in mind that in hashing, everything should be taken with a pinch of salt. Nothing nefarious is ever intended, whatever the situation or conversation maybe.

6) I must adopt the attitude of agreeing to disagree as life is too short to quarrel over trivia matters. 

7) I must ensure that my alcohol intake is not over my threshold limit so that no untoward incidence may occur as there are love ones waiting for us at home.

8) I must bear in mind when setting a run not too be over zealous by setting a long and tough run as not everyone are equally physically fit. If I want to prove my manhood I can always join a man/batang chapter.

9) I have to acknowledge that when I'm elected to a position in the club it comes with responsibilities and have the occasional 'shit' thrown at, but I pledged not to get personal but instead discharged my position without fear or favor.

10) I pledge that as a member I reserved the right to question the committee on the club affairs not because I'm being solipsistic but because I love the club more.

Do you have any of yours to contribute? Feel free to do so. Go to the comment column and say your piece!

Run @ Setia Eco Park (19/12/13). Hare: Recycle

 Starting trail

As from tonite I shall renounced my legal given name and shall be known as Toy Boy. This I said in the name of my Hash Temple, which is the Beer Wagon. This I said in the name of my Hash Religion, which is Klang Hash. This I said in the name of my Hash God, which is the Tiger Bottle. 

 Getting into the Christmas spirit.

In Summary

A cool evening due to a mid afternoon shower, greeted us as we gathered for today's run at Klang Hash adopted home ground, Setia Eco Park. For those who aren't aware of Klang Hash original 'home', it was then called Furukawa. Due to development there, the area is no more conducive to hashing.

Hare and his other half were greeting us at the runsite before the start off time and it was duly learned that the run was set in the morning and was assisted by what he claimed to be his co hare, ex member Tiger. JM somnambulism was noticeable as he was awaken by the shout of Kernel to flag off the run.

Across the open area we strolled, passed a stagnant pond and from there onwards it was trekking through new and virgin trails. Absence of any hash papers and trodden path bear testimony to this statement. The early downpour didn't make it treacherous but the terrain was made difficult due to the sogginess and unchartered territory.

Paper were not consistently laid at certain stretches and caused vexations to many of us. As darkness creeped in, even in groups and with torchlights on, we were groping in the dark. Time was wasted searching for the connecting papers. The fact that the trail was meandering and undulating made our task more difficult. Credit to those who were considerate enough to lay some new papers, as they were concern about the back runners.

1st runner out at about 7:40 pm and the last group at 9pm. Distance covered was almost 4km, as measured by my GPS but the hare claimed that his showed 5.6km. The discrepancies ? I got no idea ! When we were out some of us were sounding pugnacious and were quick to seek the hare to let him know that we took umbrage for his stinginess to lay enough papers, Battery Rosak being one of them as he was amongst the last to be out.

During circle a few announcements were made. One was that the club finance is in a healthy position. The other was the non payment of subs due. A few members were denied their beer quota because of this and while some took the liberty to pay up immediately so that they can enjoyed their beers, one recalcitrant didn't do so and stormed off after being denied his share. Let's hope cool heads prevailed and when he comes to his senses next week, he'll realized that the action by the club was justifiable.

My 2 Cts Worth

The current situation being such, it rains when it rains, the hare having set his run in the morning and having rained in the afternoon, should have prepared the FROP's and the others with sufficient papers, knowing for a fact the the earlier papers will be soiled and fresh ones need to be laid. No doubt, some were given but it was insufficient. His Eng Choon-ness shows ! In fact, he was smiling gleefully when confronted by some about his mishaps.

With regards to the non payment of sub and your quota of beer being denied, it's written in the constitution, thus a no brainer here! As Kernel vehemently decreed to scribe, a non payment or default of sub gives one no justification to argue. Any half past six lawyer can tell you, "Ignorance of the law is no excuse." Moral of the story : Want your beers? Pay your sub, otherwise keep your big f**king mouth shut !!! 

( Scribe have the misfortune to suffer the same fate two weeks ago but the situation was amicably sorted out with the On Cash, thus these words were harshly written to remind everyone, yours truly included, having a bout of somnambulism when it comes to paying your sub it's no f**king excuse !!! Once, acceptable. Twice, you are asking for shit ! Thrice ! ... better say FO and bye bye.)

The Many Faces of Klang Hash

This article is for reading pleasure only and it's not meant to insinuate or put anyone on a pedestal. Any resemblance to anyone, past or present, is merely coincidental.

Here goes :

The FROP's : Front runners on papers. What would a run turn out without them. Diligently breaking the checks and shouting On On and connecting papers. Only a handful of 5-6 members.

SCB's : Short cutting bastard! The 'King' is currently having a sojourn in Langkawi. The usual suspects who would take every opportunity to short cut during a run. Only a small number.

The Non-Finisher : Go in on the in trail and subsequently find their own route back before the rest. Their own version of exercise. Consist of mainly the geriatrics, lazy bones and any excusable reasons to go for a stroll only. Burning calories is not a priority. (Not to be confuse with the SCB's.)

The Kiasu Runner : Want to be the 1st runner out. Run off and shout On On with a whimper when breaking a check and considered job done, so that he can be in front of the rest. Glad to say there aren't any but the occasional bad habits do creep in when that person is on a testosterone high to show off his machoism.

Private Partiers : Having their own private party when circle is in session, oblivious to the constant reminders from the box to remain silent. Their ignorance knows no bound. Capital punishment should be enforced as a deterrent. As the hash song goes, " They odd to be public be pissed on. They odd to be public be shot. They odd to be nailed to the shit house and let there to fester and rot. " This is a perpetual thing every week. At times there maybe numerous private parties going on. (Who is brave enough to stop the rot !!!)

The Silent Ones : Exact opposite of the above. Sitting comfortably in their stools, they hardly uttered a sound when circle is on. Probably only an earthquake will shake them off their comfort zone. A minority group. 

Non English Speaking Members : Quite a fair bit here. How they managed to stay in tune and attentive when circle is on is something scribe cannot comprehend as our lingua franca is English.

Non Beer Drinkers : Again, something scribe cannot comprehend. Beer is synonymous with hashing. Why would a non drinker want to join the hash if he or she doesn't enjoy the taste of the golden fluid ? Exercise ? Well, there are many ways of doing it. Hot chicks & sugar daddy ? It happened ! Anyway, we're glad they came along as they contribute to the club coffers.

Music Makers : With their guitars, flute and bongo Klang Hash orchestra is in session, usually after the circle. A small knitted group. 

Hash Choir : To complement the above, usually led by the Grand Daddy of them all, as his repertoire of hash songs cannot be matched by anyone in KH4. This sing along session, unfortunately, drew the interest of only a small crowd.

KGB : A spy in KH4 ? Actually, it denote Klang Garbage Bin. Given to an ex member who is able to devour all that it placed on the dinner table, plus a few additional bowls of rice. With him around, there can be no leftovers and if you are not quick enough when dishes are served, he'll hungrily gobbled up before you could even smell the aroma. Mind you, he's not an obese person !

Don't Fuck Around With Me ! : Only one person can said it with conviction and meant what he said. The rest are impersonators.

Hash Bards : They may sound like a broken records but the songs are still music to our ears. Occasionally, they come out with a gem.

I AM GM : Some aspirants out there. Stand up and be counted. Don't hide behind a mask.

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Run @ Greenhill, Punchak Alam (29/11/13). Hare: Loud Cock

Newspaper on his left, clock on his right. Trying to sound intelligent or looking silly !

That's what hashing will do to you when you only drink but not run !

The lady co hares were too shy to show themselves.

Laurel would gladly open his arms and ..... legs !

In Summary

Those driving to the run site at about 5:30pm would have experienced the heavy downpour hitting down relentlessly but just as the run was about to start at 6pm, miraculously it suddenly stopped. The hare must have been one relief person.

Rather predictably, we went in the usual starting trail. As promised by the JM during circle last week, we went through a different path. After the 1st check, we could see the new housing area on the left and many would have thought that home beckoned. 

But the hare took us for a steep gradual long ascend and then down into a valley to be followed by another climb, though not as tough as the first one. Once we hit level ground and saw the open area, familiarity would have sensed that it's home. 

1st runner in just under an hour and the last at 7:40 pm, being KH4 newest couple, doing a 'pakthology' in the jungle, taking their sweet time to come out. Though the trail was make soggy by the rain, scribe noticed the absence of muddied bumps. Probably everyone are wiser now and come prepared and experiencing running here has been a good teacher.

RA long absence resulted in him launching into his verbiages to making up for lost time, though it was not falderal in nature. In fact, he managed to tickle a few funny bones.

JM as well as being the co hare, was also the chef and he managed to whip up an appetizing dinner which was not the usual menu from the regular caterers. The meal prepared straight from the stove was well received.

Commercialism have creeped into this area as can be seen from the on going renovations in some of the shop lots. Another hashing terrain will be out of bound soon. 

My 2 Cts Worth

The last run here being a disaster, (the last group out at 11:30pm), today's run could be classified as 'pussy' but yours truly shall not have an hidden agenda and thus credit shall be given to hare and his co hare for having the common sense to set a sensible run. 

We'll be running here again this Friday and the run have been contracted to Prince Charming (PC). We know what happened when he co hared the last run here and PC being PC, we can only hope for the best and expect the worst ! Any thing better than his last will be a bonus.

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Analysis Of The "F" Word

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word “fuck”. It is the one magical word, which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, “fuck” falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (Mary fucked John) and intransitive (John was fucked by Mary). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (John is ugly, fuck, he's also stupid). As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word “fuck.” 

Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:
1) Surprise -- “What the fuck are you doing here?” 
2) Fraud -- “I got fucked by the car dealer.” 
3) Resignation -- “Oh, fuck it!” 
4) Trouble -- “I guess I'm fucked now.” 
5) Aggression -- “FUCK YOU!” 
6) Disgust -- “Fuck me.” 
7) Confusion -- “What the fuck...?” 
8) Difficulty -- “I don't understand this fucking business!” 
9) Despair -- “Fucked again....” 
10) Pleasure -- “I fucking couldn't be happier.” 
11) Displeasure -- “What the fuck is going on here?” 
12) Lost -- “Where the fuck are we?” 
13) Disbelief -- “UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!” 
14) Retaliation -- “Up your fucking ass!” 
15) Denial -- “I didn't fucking do it.” 
16) Perplexity -- “I know fuck-all about it.” 
17) Apathy -- “Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?” 
18) Greetings -- “How the fuck are ya?” 
19) Suspicion -- “Who the fuck are you?” 
20) Panic -- “Let's get the fuck out of here.” 
21) Directions -- “Fuck off.” 
22) Awe -- “How the fuck did you do that?” 

It can be used in an anatomical description -- “He's a fucking asshole.” It can be used to tell time -- “It's five fucking thirty.” It can be used in business -- “How did I wind up with this fucking job?” It can be maternal -- “Motherfucker.” It can be political -- “Fuck Clinton!” 

It has also been used by many notable people throughout history: 
“What the fuck was that?” -- Mayor of Hiroshima 
“Where did all these fucking Indians come from?” -- General Custer 
“That's not a real fucking gun, is it?” -- John Lennon
“Who's gonna fucking find out?” -- Richard Nixon 
“Why the fuck did that apple hit me?” -- Issac Newton 
“Heads are going to fucking roll.” -- Marie Antoinette 
“I could have used a fucking map.” -- Ulysses 
“Where the fuck is all this water coming from?” -- Captain of the Titanic 
“Any fucking idiot could understand that.” -- Albert Einstein 
“It DOES SO fucking look like her!” -- Picasso 
“Okay, I know... we'll build this BIG fucking wall to keep them out.” -- Emperor of the Ch'in Dynasty 
“I can't believe I just fucking said that.” -- Patrick Henry
“Fucking backstabbers!” -- Julius Caesar 
“You want what on the fucking ceiling?” -- Michelangelo 
“Fellatio is not fucking!” -- Bill Clinton 
“Where is that fucking pizza guy?” -- Elvis 
“Why? Because its fucking there!” -- Sir Edmund Hilary
“I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?” -- Joan of Arc 
“Scattered fucking showers my ass.” -- Noah 
“I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head.” -- John F. Kennedy 
“What are the fucking chances I'm going to heaven?” -- Adolf Hitler 
“Hey, where the fuck are your turbans?” -- Christopher Columbus when he discovered the “Indians”.


Source: Jokes.Com

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