The Many Faces of Klang Hash

This article is for reading pleasure only and it's not meant to insinuate or put anyone on a pedestal. Any resemblance to anyone, past or present, is merely coincidental.

Here goes :

The FROP's : Front runners on papers. What would a run turn out without them. Diligently breaking the checks and shouting On On and connecting papers. Only a handful of 5-6 members.

SCB's : Short cutting bastard! The 'King' is currently having a sojourn in Langkawi. The usual suspects who would take every opportunity to short cut during a run. Only a small number.

The Non-Finisher : Go in on the in trail and subsequently find their own route back before the rest. Their own version of exercise. Consist of mainly the geriatrics, lazy bones and any excusable reasons to go for a stroll only. Burning calories is not a priority. (Not to be confuse with the SCB's.)

The Kiasu Runner : Want to be the 1st runner out. Run off and shout On On with a whimper when breaking a check and considered job done, so that he can be in front of the rest. Glad to say there aren't any but the occasional bad habits do creep in when that person is on a testosterone high to show off his machoism.

Private Partiers : Having their own private party when circle is in session, oblivious to the constant reminders from the box to remain silent. Their ignorance knows no bound. Capital punishment should be enforced as a deterrent. As the hash song goes, " They odd to be public be pissed on. They odd to be public be shot. They odd to be nailed to the shit house and let there to fester and rot. " This is a perpetual thing every week. At times there maybe numerous private parties going on. (Who is brave enough to stop the rot !!!)

The Silent Ones : Exact opposite of the above. Sitting comfortably in their stools, they hardly uttered a sound when circle is on. Probably only an earthquake will shake them off their comfort zone. A minority group. 

Non English Speaking Members : Quite a fair bit here. How they managed to stay in tune and attentive when circle is on is something scribe cannot comprehend as our lingua franca is English.

Non Beer Drinkers : Again, something scribe cannot comprehend. Beer is synonymous with hashing. Why would a non drinker want to join the hash if he or she doesn't enjoy the taste of the golden fluid ? Exercise ? Well, there are many ways of doing it. Hot chicks & sugar daddy ? It happened ! Anyway, we're glad they came along as they contribute to the club coffers.

Music Makers : With their guitars, flute and bongo Klang Hash orchestra is in session, usually after the circle. A small knitted group. 

Hash Choir : To complement the above, usually led by the Grand Daddy of them all, as his repertoire of hash songs cannot be matched by anyone in KH4. This sing along session, unfortunately, drew the interest of only a small crowd.

KGB : A spy in KH4 ? Actually, it denote Klang Garbage Bin. Given to an ex member who is able to devour all that it placed on the dinner table, plus a few additional bowls of rice. With him around, there can be no leftovers and if you are not quick enough when dishes are served, he'll hungrily gobbled up before you could even smell the aroma. Mind you, he's not an obese person !

Don't Fuck Around With Me ! : Only one person can said it with conviction and meant what he said. The rest are impersonators.

Hash Bards : They may sound like a broken records but the songs are still music to our ears. Occasionally, they come out with a gem.

I AM GM : Some aspirants out there. Stand up and be counted. Don't hide behind a mask.

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Run @ Greenhill, Punchak Alam (29/11/13). Hare: Loud Cock

Newspaper on his left, clock on his right. Trying to sound intelligent or looking silly !

That's what hashing will do to you when you only drink but not run !

The lady co hares were too shy to show themselves.

Laurel would gladly open his arms and ..... legs !

In Summary

Those driving to the run site at about 5:30pm would have experienced the heavy downpour hitting down relentlessly but just as the run was about to start at 6pm, miraculously it suddenly stopped. The hare must have been one relief person.

Rather predictably, we went in the usual starting trail. As promised by the JM during circle last week, we went through a different path. After the 1st check, we could see the new housing area on the left and many would have thought that home beckoned. 

But the hare took us for a steep gradual long ascend and then down into a valley to be followed by another climb, though not as tough as the first one. Once we hit level ground and saw the open area, familiarity would have sensed that it's home. 

1st runner in just under an hour and the last at 7:40 pm, being KH4 newest couple, doing a 'pakthology' in the jungle, taking their sweet time to come out. Though the trail was make soggy by the rain, scribe noticed the absence of muddied bumps. Probably everyone are wiser now and come prepared and experiencing running here has been a good teacher.

RA long absence resulted in him launching into his verbiages to making up for lost time, though it was not falderal in nature. In fact, he managed to tickle a few funny bones.

JM as well as being the co hare, was also the chef and he managed to whip up an appetizing dinner which was not the usual menu from the regular caterers. The meal prepared straight from the stove was well received.

Commercialism have creeped into this area as can be seen from the on going renovations in some of the shop lots. Another hashing terrain will be out of bound soon. 

My 2 Cts Worth

The last run here being a disaster, (the last group out at 11:30pm), today's run could be classified as 'pussy' but yours truly shall not have an hidden agenda and thus credit shall be given to hare and his co hare for having the common sense to set a sensible run. 

We'll be running here again this Friday and the run have been contracted to Prince Charming (PC). We know what happened when he co hared the last run here and PC being PC, we can only hope for the best and expect the worst ! Any thing better than his last will be a bonus.

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Analysis Of The "F" Word

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word “fuck”. It is the one magical word, which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, “fuck” falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (Mary fucked John) and intransitive (John was fucked by Mary). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (John is ugly, fuck, he's also stupid). As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word “fuck.” 

Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:
1) Surprise -- “What the fuck are you doing here?” 
2) Fraud -- “I got fucked by the car dealer.” 
3) Resignation -- “Oh, fuck it!” 
4) Trouble -- “I guess I'm fucked now.” 
5) Aggression -- “FUCK YOU!” 
6) Disgust -- “Fuck me.” 
7) Confusion -- “What the fuck...?” 
8) Difficulty -- “I don't understand this fucking business!” 
9) Despair -- “Fucked again....” 
10) Pleasure -- “I fucking couldn't be happier.” 
11) Displeasure -- “What the fuck is going on here?” 
12) Lost -- “Where the fuck are we?” 
13) Disbelief -- “UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!” 
14) Retaliation -- “Up your fucking ass!” 
15) Denial -- “I didn't fucking do it.” 
16) Perplexity -- “I know fuck-all about it.” 
17) Apathy -- “Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?” 
18) Greetings -- “How the fuck are ya?” 
19) Suspicion -- “Who the fuck are you?” 
20) Panic -- “Let's get the fuck out of here.” 
21) Directions -- “Fuck off.” 
22) Awe -- “How the fuck did you do that?” 

It can be used in an anatomical description -- “He's a fucking asshole.” It can be used to tell time -- “It's five fucking thirty.” It can be used in business -- “How did I wind up with this fucking job?” It can be maternal -- “Motherfucker.” It can be political -- “Fuck Clinton!” 

It has also been used by many notable people throughout history: 
“What the fuck was that?” -- Mayor of Hiroshima 
“Where did all these fucking Indians come from?” -- General Custer 
“That's not a real fucking gun, is it?” -- John Lennon
“Who's gonna fucking find out?” -- Richard Nixon 
“Why the fuck did that apple hit me?” -- Issac Newton 
“Heads are going to fucking roll.” -- Marie Antoinette 
“I could have used a fucking map.” -- Ulysses 
“Where the fuck is all this water coming from?” -- Captain of the Titanic 
“Any fucking idiot could understand that.” -- Albert Einstein 
“It DOES SO fucking look like her!” -- Picasso 
“Okay, I know... we'll build this BIG fucking wall to keep them out.” -- Emperor of the Ch'in Dynasty 
“I can't believe I just fucking said that.” -- Patrick Henry
“Fucking backstabbers!” -- Julius Caesar 
“You want what on the fucking ceiling?” -- Michelangelo 
“Fellatio is not fucking!” -- Bill Clinton 
“Where is that fucking pizza guy?” -- Elvis 
“Why? Because its fucking there!” -- Sir Edmund Hilary
“I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?” -- Joan of Arc 
“Scattered fucking showers my ass.” -- Noah 
“I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head.” -- John F. Kennedy 
“What are the fucking chances I'm going to heaven?” -- Adolf Hitler 
“Hey, where the fuck are your turbans?” -- Christopher Columbus when he discovered the “Indians”.


Source: Jokes.Com

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Run @ Bkt. Subang (22/11/13). Hare: Slow Ass

Yours truly, Slow Ass, the Hare.

Guess who is the uninvited guest ?

Earned her hash name because she caught a live rooster during a hash run. Believe it or not !

Your cure for your constipation problem.

It's confirmed. Constantly sitting on ice will restore your virginity. TUVM ( Thank you very much).

In Summary

With the recent evening downpour being unpredictable and dark clouds hovering above, a silent prayer was whispered by yours truly. Arrived at the run site at about 3:15 pm and were greeted by the presence of 2 uninvited co-hares, namely Power Ranger (though he did seek consent) and Gold Digger (GD).

Half an hour later my 2 consultants co-hares arrived and Messy was quick to suggest another area. Thus we drove a short distance in from our usual spot passing through some newly built but vacant houses. 

The last minute change caught yours truly unaware and not adequate hash signs were made and have to do a quick McGyver thing. There were some complaints but eventually all found the new parking area.  (As a general rule, follow the direction of the last one until you see the next sign).

Just as we were about to go in at about 4:10pm, scribe was duly informed that the usual FROP's were away at a Gasing Do in Lumut. Instinctively, yours truly goes into a cautious mood, a quick mental note to keep the checks uncomplicated.  

Messy, the chief engineer, lead the pack. Loud Cock followed suit and was quick to delegate the laying of the trail to Gold Digger and yours truly was last, to ensure that the papers were properly laid. Power Ranger kept his own counsel.

At the early stage when we came across the fringes of a jungle, Messy pointed to indicate whether to go in or not and before I could answer GD read my mind and said "No". The run was mainly through oil palm and 4 checks were laid. Many would have noticed the continued presence of Wanker papers.

When we came out at about 5:40pm, home was just a stone throw away. We took a peep and saw there was a crowd. My co-hares looked at me, asking, "Another 20 mins before the run starts, shall we wait for them to go in and should we walk out ?" We chose the latter. 

Total distance covered was 4.8 km. 1st runner, Ubat, out at 6:40pm and the last at 7:20pm. Claimed that he could have been out earlier if not for the fact that beside breaking the last 2 checks, in the absence of FROP's he has to connect the papers himself.

At about 10pm, there was only a core group of 10 left. At another corner, some outsiders were having their own private party. No wanting to invite trouble, we adjourned and drove out to another location, our usual run site. Under the bright street lights, the merriment resumed. Yours truly left at about 11:30pm with the rest still continuing the camaraderie.

Last but not least 

As was expected by yours truly, when we came out before 6pm, Laurel was quick to admonish me, " Eh, you don't practice what you preach ah!! " Those of you who have been reading my blog will know how I advocate that hares should not be seen before the run start. On that count, I'm guilty as charge !

During circle when Music Ranger was asked to comment about the run and he succinctly mentioned, " It took 3 batangs to set a pussy run". Couldn't said it better, considering collectively the 3 Batangs have clocked close to 100 years of hashing. Again as the hare, I take responsibilities. Guilty as charge !

Other misdemeanors include complaints of not enough papers at the start, absence of hash signs at strategic points which induced members into confusion of where the car park is. Again, guilty as charge !

With so many offenses being committed, if you were the judge, would you direct your jury (ie You! You! & You!) to come to a verdict of "Guilty", where the sentence will be to hang the hare on high ground and tickled his toes so that he'll be constipated with laughter (yah, you've read it before somewhere) or dismissed today's run due to technicalities and ....... ahem, I'm being narcissistic here, he's a nice guy, we'll give him an On Down, make him sit on ice with his pants down so that all the girls, oops I meant the gays can admired his bump, (which was what I did anyway during circle.) Sentence passed, case dismissed. Next one please !

My 2 Cts Worth.

Granted today's run maybe 'pussy' in nature, but would you want a 'lang cheow' run like what were experienced of late, getting lost in the jungle, coming out at 10-11pm, muddied, treacherous and jungle bashing terrains. I rest my case. 

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KLANG HASH

K - Klang Hash House Harriers & Harriettes is our registered name. We are commonly known as KH4 or Klang Hash.

L - Let is be known that we have been hashing every Friday since 13th November 1981. That'll be 32 years and counting.

A - And we celebrated our 30th Anniversary Do on 4 & 5 Nov 2011 at Genting Highland. The event were attended by close to 700+ participants from near and far. Were you there ?

N - Now if you were to come as a guest, you're assured of a Run, plenty of Golden Fluid, Good Fellowship and All Night Long Camaraderie. 

G - Give yourself a shot if you have not been to a hash run before. It'll be something you remember, hopefully the Good, could be some of the Bad but for what it's worth, not the Ugly.

H - Hashing is not for everyone though. If you are an extrovert, like sports and Beer is your "cup of tea" you are likely to embrace hashing. 

A - And as hash does not discriminate, any Tom, Dick & Harry are most welcome, provided you behave accordingly.

S - Since we are a mixed chapter, ie male & female, our members consist of married couples, singles, old and young, aunties and uncles etc etc. Simply put, just like rojak, but well flavored. 

H - History will record that KH4 suffered a major crisis in the 80's which caused the club to de-registered. Theses issues have since been resolved and though there were no turbulent times we do face the occasional stormy seas but were able to sail through with capable leadership. Our current membership strength is 80 +

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